Q: I have two boys, 18 and 33 months. How much time each day should I spend involved in activities with them? Also, they chase one another around the house and do other sorts of roughhousing, but they hardly ever play with their educational toys. Is there some way I can get them interested in these things?
A: The notion that parents need to get down on the floor and play with toddlers for a certain amount of time each day is very post-1960s (that is, without substance). If you feel like getting down on the floor and making a block castle with one of your children, do so. On the other hand, if you don’t feel like it, don’t. Your children should not learn that you are an on-call playmate.
Please don’t try to fill some daily play-with-the-kids quota, and when you do play with them, don’t conduct “activities” (another product of modern parenting). Just play. Have fun. Let your crazy loose. Then, when you’ve had enough, simply excuse yourself and go do your own thing.
In the long run, it is best that they learn to play by themselves. If you feel the need to be involved with them, then read to them two or three times a day for 30 minutes per stint. In addition to developing their imaginations, reading will also calm them down for a while—a benefit to you, I assume.
At this age, a child’s play is not very organized. You need not take pains to organize it or turn it into a specific learning experience. The running, chasing, and jumping that your boys are doing is both very toddler-like and very boy-like, and in their own boisterous way, they’re learning a lot.
To bring a modicum of peace into your life, mandate several “quiet times” a day, during which the children are separated and must play quietly for, say, 15 minutes. Use a timer to define the quiet period. When they’re able to handle 15 minutes, extend it to 20, and so on.
As for their toys, remove the toys they aren’t playing with. Most of the manufactured toys on the shelves today should remain on the shelves. They’re worthless. The packaging and bright colors attract a child’s attention, but once the toy is in a child’s hands, it might have a play life of less than 15 minutes—and sometimes, that’s a stretch. The toys they aren’t playing with should disappear quietly, one or two at a time, and be replaced with boxes, pots and pans, wooden spoons, and so on. Give the junk to charity.
Once you’re down to five or 10 toys that the boys do, in fact, play with, start a toy library. Store the toys in a closet, and let each child have only one toy at a time. When a child is finished with one toy, he can exchange it for another one. This will slowly help their play become more focused. It will also dramatically reduce toy clutter around the house. Yay!
